Confidence is a tricky subject, and it’s a bit sad that so many of us deal with low self-esteem throughout our many years on this earth.
I for one was never a confident kid. In fact, I always doubted myself and my abilities. Now to be frank, most of that self-doubt was a result of bigger issues that I carried from when I was a child. It followed me throughout my teenage years, and let me tell you, it was not a nice era. I constantly felt like I wasn’t good enough, and I looked at people like they were better than me, for some reason.
Fast forward to my 20s, I’ve grown my confidence a good deal, and I couldn’t be happier about it. I no longer look at the world like I’m not fit to be in it. I started telling myself that I am good enough to be here, and to achieve anything I have in mind.
So the advice I have for you today is: Just believe in yourself.
I know, you’re probably rolling your eyes right now because you’ve heard this sentence so many times that you can’t even understand it anymore. But hear me out.
When I say believe in yourself, what I mean is: believe that you are capable of great things.
Here comes the power of positive self-talk. *rolls eyes again*
I’m not talking about this trend of positive affirmations that you have to repeat ten times every morning and night. Don’t get me wrong, I think affirmations are great to change your subconscious limiting beliefs.
But here I’m talking about the mindset of believing that you’re capable of doing what you need to do, and handling whatever situation that comes your way. Coming from someone who suffered with low self-esteem for many years, and still does to some extent, this has been life-changing.
Not long ago, when I first started working at my current company, I found myself thinking that I wasn’t fit for the job. I’d look at my co-workers as if they were more deserving than me. I had in mind that I couldn’t handle situations like they did.
And it didn’t take me long to notice that this made me reluctant to do my job well, because I was always afraid of messing up.
I was selling myself short.
But then I started thinking; why on earth am I feeding my mind this nonsense? I am perfectly capable of doing it, if I actually put my mind to it.
And let me tell you, this has made the biggest difference in how I show up every single day.
That’s why you need to adopt and use this mindset in each and every area of your life.
When you go to a job interview, a date, an exam, or any other event, and you find yourself thinking that you won’t succeed, you won’t make a good impression, or whatever negative thought you get, you need to switch that ASAP. Believe that you are in fact capable of landing that job, that you will impress your date, that you will slay that exam.
However, I have some extra thoughts for you.
Self-awareness is super important.
When I say believe in yourself, I don’t mean lie to yourself.
Well, you kinda have to lie to some degree to increase your confidence. Know the saying “Fake it till you make it”? Yeah that shit works like magic.
But at the same time, you need to know at which stage of your life you are currently in. Basically, you need to know what you know, and what you don’t know. Yes, confidence can be faked to some extent, but you can’t exactly walk up to a hospital and apply for a job as a doctor when you, in fact, are not a doctor. Similarly, you cannot pretend to be someone you’re not, because at the end of the day, you’re not fooling anyone. Not even yourself.
For this reason, you need to know what you are capable of as of now. And what I mean by that is that you also need to know that you are capable of knowing more.
Confused? I thought so. Let me explain a bit.
When I first embarked on my confidence-building journey, one of the first questions I asked myself was: why is it that I’m not confident? The answer was, much to my disappointment, that I didn’t have much to be confident about.
But what is self-confidence anyways? It’s the knowledge that you can do something and do it well. It’s trusting in yourself and in your abilities. So how can you believe in yourself when you haven’t done anything of much value in the first place?
Before I go on, I need to make a quick disclaimer: You are born worthy. Self-esteem is not something to be earned. If you have issues believing that, maybe your problem goes beyond what we’re discussing.
What I’m talking about is the confidence you get from doing. From succeeding in school or in a job, from making promises to yourself and keeping them, from being there for people when they need you, from building something that you are really proud of. Little by little, one accomplishment after the other, you’ll find that your self-confidence will improve substantially. Your whole self-image will change, and you’ll wake up every day inspired to do even more.
But before you do any of that, you need to start believing that you can become the type of person that accomplishes these types of things. Because if you’re like me, and you haven’t accomplished much in your lifetime to be proud of, chances are you don’t even think of yourself as someone capable of doing it. That’s simply because you don’t have much evidence to back up your self-belief.
So how do you do that? You start acting like that person, even if you don’t believe that you are. You start giving yourself evidence that you can do it. “Fake it till you make it” works here too.
Pro tip: Start with the simple things. Set a routine for yourself, a realistic one, and stick to it. Get up when your alarm goes off. Work out when you said you were going to work out. Read 10 pages a day. Fill your days with productivity. Show up when you say you would. Slowly, you’ll find that you are in fact capable of doing the things you need to do.
When you’ve established that base, you can start further building your identity. Who would you like to be? What qualities would you like to possess? What’s your dream career? Where do you see yourself in a few years?
Let’s say you want to start your fitness journey, but you don’t see yourself as a “fit” person. What you need to do is ask yourself, what would a fit person do on a daily basis? The answer is probably: they would work out and eat healthy. So simply do the same thing. One workout after the other, you will start seeing yourself as that fit person.
If you want to get into a certain profession, start learning. If you don’t want to get a college degree, take online courses. Read books about topics related to that profession. Watch YouTube videos. Then apply to an internship. Start practicing someway.
If you want to become more sociable, start going out more. Say yes to plans when someone invites you. Make an effort to make plans yourself. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, slowly you’ll start feeling more laid back and outgoing, and it’ll be way easier for you to make new friends.
The ultimate lesson here is: you might not be capable now. But you are certainly capable of becoming capable. You need to believe that you can either do it, or learn how to do it.
Day after day, month after month, year after year, you will become that person. We’re taught to find ourselves. But in reality, what we need to do is build ourselves.
Instead of looking at yourself and feeling bad that you’re not where you want to be, let knowing that you can get there motivate you to start now.
Here’s the deal: the people you so admire and want to be like, were most likely at the same stage as you are now at some point in their life. Yes, they might have had better circumstances. But they also might have not. There are people who have built themselves from zero; so no matter how hard you think you have it, you can still be one of those people. All you need is a good plan and the self-belief that you can do it.
Why do we feel that we’re “not good enough”?
See guys, the thing is: the world we live in can be quite cruel sometimes. And we as human beings are quite delicate, especially when we’re young. All it takes is one mean word from someone to make us feel shit and start questioning ourselves.
So if you were unfortunate enough to have grown in an environment that was rough on you, this can take a toll on your self-esteem and on the way you perceive yourself. If your parents were mean or unsupportive to you growing up, if they neglected or criticized you in a not-so-nice way, chances are you’ve grown up to be an adult with some self-image issues.
It’s not only about your parents though; if you were constantly bullied at school or by certain family members, this will make its mark on you as well.
Maybe you weren’t the brightest child growing up, maybe you failed at school, maybe you made some mistakes in the past, or you went through some tough experiences that convinced you that you were simply not smart, pretty, or good enough.
When I started working on that area in my own life, I noticed that whenever something not-so-pleasant happened, the first thought I’d get was “Of course this would happen, simply because I’m just not good enough”. If I made a mistake at work, I’d think that I’m just not smart enough. If I did something that I should not have done, I’d beat myself over it instantly.
And when I looked closely at that issue that was obviously affecting me to a great degree, I learned something very important. I realized that I was always so hard on myself because I was constantly criticized as a child, whether it be from my parents or from my peers. I also experienced some events that made a strong impact on me, and made me question my worth.
If you’ve had a similar experience, it’s quite normal for you to feel like you’re not good enough. The bad experiences you go through are often internalized and you start thinking that you were just born that way.
However, this is simply not the truth. What people say about us does in no way reflect on who we really are. Remember that people who try to hurt others, are often hurt themselves, so they try to throw that negative energy on other people to make themselves feel better.
Similarly, making mistakes is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s necessary to grow in life. You can probably see how much you’ve learned from these mistakes. Yes, they might still hurt you. They might still feel like little wounds in your heart. You might still need to heal yourself from all the bad things that happened to you.
Just don’t let that define who you are today. Leave the past in the past, and know that a myriad of amazing experiences still awaits you, if you open yourself to it.
So what I want to leave you with today is: Start believing that you are capable, and stop selling yourself short. You have so much potential stored in you, and you can accomplish anything that your heart and mind desire.
