A few days ago, I published a blog post about 10 ways to turn a bad day around, and I was so proud of it that I shared it with almost all of my friends.

To be frank, I always do that, even though most of them never have the will to read any of my posts. (Yes guys, I know. You don’t fool me)

However, I got quite some good reviews on that one, and they said that they found it super beneficial to them because well, who doesn’t have a bad day from time to time?

But I got one particular reply that caught my attention; it was from one of my closest friends actually, and she told me: But pam, I feel like shit all the time. I was a bit surprised to be honest. I was like, what do you mean all the time? That’s not normal my dear.

But then I remembered: I used to feel like that too, a few years’ back.

It’s funny how people forget what they went through after it’s over. Or maybe it’s more so that our minds block out bad and traumatic memories. No, that period of my life was not exactly traumatic, but it wasn’t so pleasant to remember either. And now I’m sitting here, trying to do exactly just that. To remember that period, and to think about why was it even such a bad time to begin with?

And so the answers begin to flood my mind.

It was at a time where I didn’t have much going on in my life. I didn’t have a job, I had almost dropped out of college, my sleep schedule was all over the place, I wasn’t working out nor eating healthy, I was barely leaving the house… Yes, it’s totally obvious that my lifestyle was the sole reason behind how bad I was feeling.

You might find yourself in a similar situation. Or not.

Maybe you have a job that’s exhausting you and you’re left with no energy to take care of yourself. Maybe you’re a college student and you’re swamped with deadlines and exams that you can’t even think of your well-being. Maybe you’re a mom and your kids are driving you crazy and taking all of your time.

Whatever it is, they’re all two sides of the same coin, as they all lead to the same result: to feel like shit.

So how do you actually deal with that? Let’s find out.

How to stop feeling like shit

Pinpoint the problem

First things first, you need to evaluate your current situation and pinpoint what exactly it is that’s causing you to feel that bad.

Is something going on at your job that’s stressing you out perhaps? Or are you unhappy at that job altogether? Are you struggling with college and finding it hard to study properly? Do you find yourself in an unhappy relationship that you can’t seem to free yourself from? Are you dealing with some toxic people in your life that are constantly hurting and abusing you? Or is it just a mixture of some bad habits that have messed up your routine which has led you to feel awful?

Get really clear on the situation you’re in because otherwise there’s not much to be done about it. Understanding your problem is half the solution.

Stop wallowing in self-pity

Self-pity is not always a bad thing; it’s actually our way of feeling compassion for ourselves when we’re going through hard or traumatic events.

But if done excessively, it can be very damaging.

I’ve personally found myself falling into the victim mentality time and time again; and now that I finally got rid of it, I’ll do anything in my power to not fall into it again.

So although self-pity helped me acknowledge and validate my feelings when no one around me was doing it, all it did at the end was make me miserable. That was exactly at that period of my life where I felt like shit all the time.

Now that my circumstances have changed for the better, I can look back and see that wallowing in self-pity was holding me back from getting out of that awful situation. It actually wasn’t until I took responsibility for my life that things started to shift for good.

So if you’re sitting there feeling sorry for yourself every day, counting every single thing that’s going wrong in your life and thinking about how unworthy or unlucky you are, I’ve got some news flash for you: that simply will not get you anywhere and you’ll stay in your misery until you decide to stop the pity party.

The psychology behind self-pity: Why does it feel so good?

Self-pity is just like any other coping mechanism: it feels good in the moment, until it doesn’t.

Often times, we use it as a way of blaming and passing responsibility on other people or on the world. It kind of gives us an excuse to indulge in self-sabotaging behaviors, like overeating or procrastinating. All of these combined give us a pass to stay in our comfort zone instead of taking action to remove ourselves from the situation.

Here’s the deal: the mind prefers the familiar over the good.

That’s why when you get into self-pity mode, it’s super hard to escape. So even though the initial purpose was to have your feelings validated, you then find yourself in a hole that’s almost impossible to get out from.

Self-pity vs Self-compassion

In basic terms, self-pity is feeling sorry for ourselves, while self-compassion is being kind to ourselves.

They might seem quite similar, but I’d consider them almost opposites.

The thing is, self-pity is rooted in poor self-esteem. It’s when something bad happens, and all you can think about is how unworthy, stupid, or unlucky you are. It gets you into a victim mentality, and it keeps you stuck.

Self-compassion on the other hand, is when you accept the situation as it is and let yourself feel sad over it, without falling into a pattern of blaming it on other people or on the world.

Your feelings are always valid no matter how small or big the problem is; what’s important is that you get up and do something about it, which leads me to my next point:

Make a plan and get going

So you’ve figured out the problem, and you’ve let yourself feel all the feels. Now the question is: what can you do about it?

Third and final step is to make a plan to get yourself out of the situation you are in. Most if not all of the time, there are a few things that can be done about it.

And it might not be a quick fix. You might have to follow a certain process for a while before you can reap the benefits.

If your problem lies in your job, and what you want to do is to get another one, you need to start looking out there. Apply to different jobs every single day. Make it known to your family and friends that you’re looking for a new job. You never know; they might turn out to be of great help to you.

Or maybe you’re not looking for a job anymore, maybe you’re searching to make money without the restrictions that come with that 9-5. Are there any skills that you can learn to make money from? Or do you perhaps have a pre-existing one that you can develop even more and turn into a business?

If your issue is college stress, there are ways to better deal with it. Start learning proper time-management, attend your classes, do your work on time, and stay up-to-date with any important updates. Most importantly, do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

If you’re dealing with a toxic relationship or friendship, maybe it’s time to cut that off. I know, it’s easier said than done, but there’s absolutely nothing in this world that’s worth harming your mental-health for. Do your best to surround yourself with people that lift you up, not drag you down.

So whatever your issue is, figure out the steps that you need to take to get yourself out of that miserable situation. Get started ASAP, and do not give up; you are way stronger than you might think.

How to feel good

So you’ve done the above steps, and you might not feel like shit anymore. Which, if that’s the case, Congratulations! You passed to the next step, which is: to actually feel good.

We don’t just want to stop feeling like shit, we actually want to feel good in our bodies and in our life in general. So what can you do to make that happen?

Let’s dive a bit into 5 habits that you can practice to feel better on a daily-basis.

1-Take care of your basic needs

Make sure that you are fulfilling your most basic needs like sleep, hygiene, nutritious food, and everything related to your health.

If these are not taken care of, nothing you do will be of any help. In fact, you’re guaranteed to feel miserable for as long as you keep neglecting your well-being.

So make sure that you have these in check, by getting enough sleep every night, showering every day, eating mostly healthy meals, and getting regular health check-ups.

2-Dress up

Guys I swear, no matter how bad I’m feeling, if I can gather the energy to work out, shower and get dressed, I feel like a new life was breathed into me.

My mood improves tremendously just by getting dressed.

So if you’ve just spent all your day in your pajamas, get up, take a quick shower and put on something nice. It’ll make you feel so good about yourself.

And especially for all my girlies out there: nothing beats the feeling of putting on your favorite outfit, doing your hair and your makeup. It makes you feel unstoppable.

3-Journal

So you feel like shit, and there’s probably a million thoughts going through your head. You’re thinking about each and every one of your problems and analyzing every little thing.

There’s absolutely no better way to release that negative energy than to write about what happened exactly that had you feeling this way.

And don’t be afraid to explore it thoroughly; let yourself dive deep into it to figure out the real problem, so you can let it go.

Grab your journal and start dumping down your thoughts, I promise you’ll feel much better afterward.

4-Stay in regular contact with the people you love

Connecting with the people close to your heart, sharing good and bad news, having a good laugh with your people, are all essential things for your mental well-being.

I absolutely love gathering with my girlies, especially if it’s been a while. We talk non-stop for hours, we tell each other stories and we laugh. It feels like therapy.

We’ve actually decided to make it a ritual to meet every Monday, because that’s when we’re all free.

So make an effort to make regular plans with your loved ones; and if meeting is not an option, maybe schedule regular calls with them. It’ll bring you back to life and make you remember what it’s like to be loved.

5-Do things that inspire you and make you feel alive

What’s that thing that you’ve always loved to do when you were younger? Did you write? Did you paint maybe? Did you play the piano?

Make a list of the activities that you truly enjoy doing, and add those to your daily routine.

Often times, we get so tied up with work or college or whatever responsibility we have in our hands that we forget to enjoy our lives. Then without realizing, we find ourselves in a rut that we can’t seem to get out from.

It’s usually because we’re not giving enough time to our passions and to things that make us feel alive.

So to avoid that, you need to make it a point to have at least one thing to look forward to every single day.

No matter how miserable you feel at the moment, I promise that if you follow these steps properly, you’ll be feeling way better in no time. Feel free to share your experience and tips in the comments down below!